I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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