what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
