i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
