I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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