so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
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Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
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He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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