Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
