It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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