three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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