He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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