Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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