My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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