actually, I'm a sock model
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
