I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
