He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
