So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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