No stitches, just platelets and will power
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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