If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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