i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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