I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
