Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize