How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
handjob tips. give me some.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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