Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
