He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize