They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
