he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
