I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
