i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
