I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Im part way to drunk.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
