please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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