i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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