May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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