The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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