I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
