once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
