I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
