my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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