My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
