Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
