Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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