Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
