waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
