I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
