I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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