M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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