But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
