you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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