Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
what day is it and did you see me today?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
NoShamevember. You game?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
