i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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