so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im holly from the hills drunk
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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