well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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