I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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