i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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