i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
