Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
