This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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