I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
