He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
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And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
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I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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