that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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