Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
