I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
