I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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