where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Porn is love you can see.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
