im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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