i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
