I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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