you traded sex for a burrito?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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