Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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