Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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