Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
