she was so not down for the gang bang
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
