I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
