I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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