Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
40s are totally the cure
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
