We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
