I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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