why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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