I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
