dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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