That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
