Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
