I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
