Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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