Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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