what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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