No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
